Deadly at cleaning, jumping, talking, walking, running, swimming, and backflipping — quite possibly the deadliest employee you will ever have the privilege of hiring.
One year of deadly, front-line excellence.
Tends to customers who need shoes — sizing, lacing, and the occasional bit of life advice. Handles cash, runs the till, and balances the register to the penny every single shift. Deadly at cleaning (mops the whole alley in one song). Fixes the pinsetter when it jams — up into the gears and back down before the league even racks the next frame. Beloved by regulars, which is exactly why she earns all the tips.
Deadly in the water. Regional pool-record holder, fearless off the blocks, dependable teammate, and known for casually landing a backflip on the pool deck between heats.
Balances coursework with shifts at the alley, swim practice, and an unrelenting commitment to being cool. Known building-wide as the person you actually want on your team.
A balanced, well-rounded, deadly skill set.
Looking for a new gig where she can be properly deadly. Everybody likes Eva, she earns all the tips, and she is — without exaggeration — the deadliest employee you will ever have.
Windows recommended but not required.
A trilogy about a person who is, in every measurable way, deadly.
Everybody at the bowling alley agrees on one thing about Eva Debolt: she's deadly. Not dangerous-deadly — Saskatchewan-deadly, the kind that means she's so good at everything it's almost rude. She laces rental shoes deadly fast, runs the till without a single mistake, and when the pinsetter jams she's up in the gears and back down before the league even racks the next frame.
She's especially deadly at cleaning. One closing shift she mopped the entire alley during a single song — by the last chorus the floor was so shiny that three separate people stopped to check their hair in it, and a regular swore he could see the future. Eva just wrung out the mop, deadly calm, and moved on to the snack bar.
That's why she gets all the tips, and that's why everybody loves her. The owner once tried to give her a raise mid-shift just for vibes. She high-fived him so cleanly it echoed. 😎
Eva doesn't walk, she glides — deadly. She runs faster than the ball return, jumps higher than the foul-line buzzer, and her backflips have their own fan club with a group chat. At the school talent show she did a standing backflip off a folding chair, landed in her bowling shoes, and stuck it so clean the judges gave her an 11 out of 10 and then apologized for the scale only going to ten.
And she's deadly at talking, too — she can win any argument, calm any toddler, and order a pizza all in the same sentence. Someone once timed her simply walking to the snack bar and back: she's deadly even at strolling. The stopwatch broke out of respect.
Cleaning, jumping, talking, walking, running — every single one, deadly. And she makes it look easy, which is honestly the most deadly part. 🏃♀️
With the Flying Fins she is deadliest of all. Off the blocks like a torpedo, through the water like she's got somewhere important to be. At the regional meet she was half a body-length behind off the final turn — then simply decided to be deadly about it and touched the wall a full second ahead. Pool record. New one. Hers.
She climbed out, did a casual backflip on the deck just because the day called for it, accepted the gold, and was somehow already being handed tips by strangers who don't even work there. The lifeguard gave her dive a 9.5. The other swimmers didn't even mind losing — they just laughed, because everybody likes Eva.
So that's the legend: deadly at cleaning, jumping, talking, walking, running, swimming, and backflipping — deadly at basically everything, beloved by everyone, and still looking for a job where she can be even deadlier. Eva just smiles, adjusts her sunglasses indoors, and gets back to being irreplaceably, undeniably deadly.
Bullet-time backflips, sword chops, and a glitch in reality. ~13s, loops.
He dodges the bullets, chops them mid-air, dices the gun, and then... everything goes deadly.
Every number below is counting in real time — right down to the millisecond. Try not to think about it too hard.
Ridiculous calculators up top, genuinely useful ones at the bottom. Everything updates as you type.